I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet you’re like me. You have a voice inside your head that makes itself heard when you’re feeling either too high or low in life. When you’re down, that inner voice rubs salt in the wound. When you’re up and flying high in life, it plants seeds of fear and doubt that can spread and bring you crashing down. This voice lets you know that you can’t do anything right. It capitalizes on your insecurities, weaknesses, and diminishes your strengths.
If you’re like me, then you’ve noticed this voice, and it never stops. No matter what’s going on in life, good or bad, that voice is there to say, “I told you so, I knew you’d fail!” or “Well, this won’t last, you’ll screw this up for sure.” It’s the constant complainer, and nothing is ever good enough. It’s the antithesis of living in the present moment. For years, actually, my entire life in retrospect has been dictated and dominated by this inner critic or saboteur.
Hyper-critical and rarely kind and understanding, I finally asked myself, “Would I talk this way to a family member or a close friend?” The answer was a resounding “No!” There’s no way I would ever talk to someone else like this, scrutinizing, overly negative, and just downright nasty with a constant barrage of dirty comments. I wouldn’t hang out with someone who treated me this way, and I wouldn’t tolerate it. So why should I tolerate this garbage coming from my own mind? I realized I was doing this to myself, and I needed to learn how to work with it.
Once I started trading, this voice became even louder. Or maybe it wasn’t any louder than it had always been; maybe it was trading that made me see it and listen to it more closely. Maybe it was my developing awareness and mindfulness that finally shone a light on this inner monster. When I took a loss in trading, it was massively underscored by this critic. When I won, it would creep in after the joyous dust settled and plant seeds of doubt and despair that were waiting for me in the future.
After realizing this voice was a problem, I started doing a lot of research. The first big breakthrough that actually helped me was deciding to personify this inner beast. It was actually kind of fun. I gave it a name (which I can’t post here as certain family members would most certainly be offended), and I gave it a mental image in my mind, which alone was huge.
Now this inner saboteur was known, and it was like it was found out. Personifying, along with shining that inner light of awareness (the act of using inner attention and studying, listening, and observing what this inner voice is saying/doing), is exactly what that inner critic hates. Remember this. Personifying and mindfulness make it shrink and put its biting comments into the proper perspective.
Take the time to write and journal about this inner monster. Write and study this “dark side” of yours. Notice patterns throughout your life and make note of when this voice was the loudest and when it was the most dormant. What kinds of things does this critic spout off with? When does it show up in your trading? Ask yourself, “Is any of this stuff even true?” I bet you’ll find it’s just running through a grocery list of half-truths and crazy “what if” scenarios, cherry-picking past events that almost always have a pessimistic and negative slant to them.
My biggest tip is to write and reflect on this voice a lot. The more you do, the more its patterns and characteristics will come alive in your mind, making it easier to identify when it starts to get loud and obnoxious. The main goal is to give it a name and try to give it a face as best you can. I found this makes it easier to focus my attention on it and to suss out when it starts in on the fruitless criticisms and silly observations.
One thing that must be stated: I don’t think it’s really possible to fully get rid of this voice. That shouldn’t be the goal. This voice is hard-coded within us. When we were living in caves, this voice at one time helped us survive. By being doubtful and overly cautious, this inner voice probably helped us avoid saber-toothed tigers and those poisonous mushrooms. That same voice, however, has not adapted well to modern times. As traders, we don’t need its constant barrage of doubt and worry every two seconds. It’s important to just realize it’s there, let it scream and shout, and then once it’s voiced its concerns, move on along with your life.
It’s important to realize that if your life were a car and you are driving it, then this inner voice is just a yackity, annoying back-seat driver. Let that back-seat driver complain, naysay, and just be a general bastard all they want. Sit back and watch it freak out. Then, like a calm and mature parent, patiently and calmly say to it, “I’ve heard you, I understand you. You’ve voiced your concerns and your take on the matter. Are you done? Because I’m in charge, and this is how we are doing things.” Don’t suppress or ignore it, don’t run away, and don’t fight it. That will not help and will only make it louder and more aggressive the next time it bubbles up.
Everything really changed for me once I gave it a name and imagined a face and character for it. Now when I feel negative or get those bad tendencies, even my wife will say, “Oh, that’s just [personification’s name] saying that and acting out.” My wife has her voice personified too, and it places an emphasis on who is causing these self-destructive and damaging acts that we inflict upon ourselves. You can kind of make it a game, have fun creating it, and envisioning your inner jerk. I guarantee it will help with your trading, and I guarantee it will help you with your personal life as well. To name it and call it out on its BS is to disassociate from it. This is a huge step forward emotionally, spiritually, and as a more self-conscious and emotionally balanced trader.
